My grace story...

This is really random, but I wanted to put this picture, just because I like it :)




If there is any story in my life that is worth telling, this is the one. There has always been one problem that I have dealt with and that is sin. And there is only one person that has rescued me from my problem, and His name is Jesus. Though I will tell you of my hypocrisy and sin, my true Redemption, my rebellion, my Baptism, and my walk in newness of life, this story really isn’t about me, it is about Jesus. To Him be the glory both now and forever! Amen. I can remember the spring day in 1998 like it was yesterday, as I looked out over the congregation of people there to worship that Sunday morning. This day was special to my family, because it was the day of my Baptism, which was to symbolize my rebirth in Jesus Christ. I held my Papa’s hand as I walked down the steps into the warm water where he stood, and trembled as I quietly spoke John 3:16 into his lapel microphone. I did not fully understand what it truly meant when he gently submerged me into the water and lifted me, saying, “Now walk in newness of life.” I still remember the familiar sound of our music minister singing the Doxology as I went to change out of my dripping wet robe. I was very happy because I knew that by getting Baptized, my Mommy and Papa would be pleased, and that is what truly mattered to me. My fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth years of life passed all the same; I went on living my innocent little pastor’s daughter life, trying to be good and never doubting my salvation. I was thriving according to outward standards, when inwardly my heart was still unchanged. Seven months after my insignificant ninth birthday passed, I went to Church on a Sunday night, which was a weekly occasion, and I heard the testimony of our recently returned Mexico mission team telling of the sharing of the Gospel in that country. As I was sitting in our pew, I felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit come upon me like I had never felt before. As I sat waiting for the service to end I knew that my heart was guilty, vile, and helpless. The wages of my sin felt as a physical burden on my back and I knew that, without Jesus, there was no hope for a sinner like me. When my family arrived home, I went into my parent’s bedroom and sat on their cozy, quilted bed spread telling them of the sin and guilt staining my heart. I wept as I now saw my wretched sin as Jesus sees it, and kneeling on the floor with my Mommy’s arm around me I approached the throne of abundant grace where I received the great mercy of the Lord that washed away my sin, giving me eternal life. As the old hymn says it better than I can, “At the cross, at the cross, where I first saw the light, and the burden of my heart rolled away! It was there by faith, I received my sight, and now I am happy all my days.” This was the day of my true salvation, the chains of my sin fell off, and I had truly been set free! For the next two years, I lived with joy in my elementary walk with my Savior. I continued to be the stereotypical “good little Church girl” and I loved it. My heart desired to be right before my God, my family, and my Church. As my eleventh birthday came and went, something slowly was changing inside of me. I began to harbor bitterness and flirt with rebellion; it all began with the condition of my heart which led to the taking over of my mind. Instead of pushing away evil thoughts and sassy remarks, my once innocent mind welcomed them. As my heart problem became serious, I wickedly embraced independence, un-Godly behavior, a dishonor of my Godly parents, and a dislike for my Church. My goal is not to go on about the shame of my sin, my goal is to show you the mercy of my God. As I strayed farther and farther from Him, I basked in the misery of my sin. On my own, I did not want to find my way out of the miry pit that I had dug myself into, but in His great kindness, He led me to repentance. I know that though I grieved my Savior and broke fellowship with Him, that I was still His. I was as the lost sheep in the Bible that strayed away and had to be brought back to the Shepherd’s fold. I feel like the song says, “I was so lost, I should have died, but You have brought me to Your side. To be led by Your staff and Rod; and to be called a Lamb of God.” (Lamb of God, Twila Paris) One thing I have learned through this period of rebellion is that God is the only one that can take credit for my salvation. I have only to rejoice in his election, and not my own works. For when I am left to my own choice, I will live the miserable life of sin. For I know, as the Scriptures say, “All have turned aside, together they have become useless; there is none who does good, there is not even one.” (Romans 3:11) On my own, I am hopeless, helpless, and worthless. I say with the songwriter,
“In Christ Alone, my hope is found. He is my light, my strength, my song.” (In Christ Alone, Keith Gettty; Stuart Townend)
Words cannot express the debt I owe to my Savior for His constant forgiveness and His loving and gentle but chastening hand bringing me back to Himself.
The first big step back onto the road of living a Godly life was the step of Baptism. As I had been baptized when I was four without true conversion, it was only right for me to take this step of faith, and declare my allegiance to God. It was with true joy that I again, eight years later found myself holding my Papa’s hand as I climbed into the warm waters of Baptism. He put his arm around me as I declared before my faithful Church family that Sunday night the story that I have just told you. I shared with my life-long friends the great mercy of God in my life. This time I was not doing this for myself, or for my parent’s pleasure, but this time I was being Baptized in obedience to my Savior. And when Papa lifted me up out of the water and said, “Now walk in newness of life!” my heart exploded with happiness, I rejoiced in the great and never-ending mercy of my awesome God. Since that day of true baptism, my goal has been to live a life pleasing to Jesus Christ. I say with D.L. Moody,
“If He laid down His life for us, is it not the least we can do to lay down ours for Him? If He bore the cross and died on it for me, ought I not be willing to take it up for Him?”
Having a father who desires for his children to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord, opportunities for me to “… give my life up for Him…” are endless. Now, with joy, I am able to serve my Heavenly Father through serving my earthly one. Every day I am called to re-surrender my life to Christ by dying to myself and giving Jesus full control of my life. I have heard the high and holy call of Biblical womanhood, and daily I am learning how to become a dominion oriented daughter. I have been to Mexico, Michigan, and China in hopes of fulfilling Jesus’ call for me to “…go and make disciples of all nations…” (Matthew 28:19) And yet I am still learning to be light and salt to my community, my Church, and my family. Though I may have funny stories, sad stories, or heartwarming stories, this is the only story that is truly worth telling you, and that is : I am a sinner saved by God’s grace alone, walking in newness of life. My main dilemma: my total depravity, and my main theme: God’s grace. You now know of my life before Christ, my conversion, my rebellion, my Baptism, and my new life. In fact, it has been five years since my Redemption, and as you have seen I was a sinner then and I boast only in His grace now. In newness of life, I now walk by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)This is my story, this is my song, praising my savior all the day long. (Blessed Assurance, Jesus Is Mine! Fanny Crosby)